Judgment vs. Criticism

There is a spiritual phenomenon which occurs regarding judgment, and I have been dealing with it a great deal lately.  I think it is safe to say that when material stresses intrude on the mind it makes it more difficult to think clearly.  The spiritual masters will confirm this fact; if you judge someone else: it will happen to you.  More than a few times in my life this has been a near instant phenomenon.  I would judge someone, and then find myself in the same exact situation, but from the perspective of the one I judged.  It is something we all must deal with. 

In my own experience it is a difficult situation because I am quite naturally critical.  All of us have critical abilities, some greater than others.  When I was younger my critical way of thinking created quite a problem in my own life.  For one, people do not like criticism.  It is often quite difficult for people to hear because their emotions are so closely tied to their thoughts.  Anytime I speak, it is critical, that is simply how my mind works, and most people, most of the time, think I am being judgmental.   Two, this caused me to feel quite flawed when I was younger, because not many people like someone who thinks critically 100% of the time.  I had the emotional belief that if I was healed and whole everyone would like me.  I was judging myself quite critically you see, which is never a good thing.  The real issue though is realizing the difference between judgment and criticism.

Years ago I was talking on the phone with a friend.  This friend, let's call her Lisa, was asking for my help in critiquing up a situation involving another person that she was dealing with.  If I remember correctly it was her mother.  It is funny how people like my ability to be hyper critical when I direct it at someone else.  I have an uncanny ability to size people up rather quickly, but only because I have a life time of being so critical coupled with studying people.  Like all things, practice makes perfect.  In my critique of this individual I said that the person was lonely, and because of that loneliness they were acting a certain way.  

Lisa did not like how her mother was acting, but became upset because I called her mother lonely.  Can you see it?  That is what makes it a judgment.  She was upset, which means she was judging.  Her emotional content was preventing her from acknowledging reality.  I was merely critiquing the situation so that Lisa could have a better understanding of what was going on, which is exactly what she asked me to do.  All of us could have said the same thing about this person.  The behavior she was demonstrating made it quite obvious looking in from the outside.  I was admitting to a fact, Lisa was being judgmental.  This judgment on her part kept her from seeing the reality of the situation at that time.  That is precisely what happens to all of us when we judge.  It is a failure to see things clearly, which is why it will happen to us when we do it, so that we may learn our lesson.  That phenomenon in and of itself is proof of spirituality being a part of reality.  Karma in effect. 

I did not have an emotional response to loneliness.  It just is. I was quite lonely myself when this conversation occurred.   I was just pointing out what was obvious to me.  When people are lonely they do things they often would not otherwise do, which was exactly what was happening to me, as well as Lisa's mother, as well as most people on the planet.  I was doing quite a few things I would not normally do because I was lonely.  The greater the loneliness the more dramatic the behavior one will display.  Most people will be judgmental in this situation and say negative things about the lonely person.  The easiest example is the person who talks and talks and talks, which was something I was known for myself.  I would talk a persons head off if they let me, not because I loved to talk so much, but because I was lonely. 

Most people will only judge what it is they see on the surface, like the bad behavior Lisa's parent was displaying, or like the person who talks too much.   Instead of looking  deeper into the issue which creates the unhealthy behavior in the first place people will typically just speak negatively about the surface behavior.   Lisa was upset because to her, loneliness is bad, so that meant I was saying something bad about this person she cared about.  That is judgment.  She was also judging me, which was obvious by her emotional response to my critique.  Criticism is simply observing what is and commenting on it.  If your hair is black, and I point this out, it is a critique of the situation, not a judgment.  Now, if I say your hair is black and I dislike or like black hair, that is judgment.  One's hair being black is free of personal opinion.  It is neither good nor bad. 

Loneliness is not good or bad either.  It just is.  There are a great many things that humans need to know about life that cannot be learned unless we are lonely.  If loneliness teaches us things we can't otherwise learn, how can we say it is bad?  We would be doomed to a certain level of ignorance if we never delve into our own loneliness.  If one were to closely pay attention they would realize this is exactly what is occurring with most people.  They never grow past a certain level because they never face their own loneliness.  I think the same thing applies to suffering.  Almost everyone is in a state of judgment regarding suffering, but humans cannot improve without it, so how can it be bad?  If no one ever suffered, no one would ever grow.  Almost everyone I know avoids suffering like their life depends on it, yet in actuality their life depends on them suffering.  Most are blind to this phenomenon.

The world is upside down.  I feel quite safe in saying this is one of the reasons so many are what I call children in grown up bodies.  The masses fear fundamental aspects in life that cause us to grow and be better people so they avoid them at all costs.  Almost everyone is avoiding the teacher; suffering.  Almost everyone is judging instead of merely acknowledging things for what they are free of opinion.  Which to me seems to be the mature thing to do.  It is not my opinion if I say a lonely person is lonely, it just is.  In Lisa's case, her judgment of her mother’s loneliness was only further causing her mother to be lonely.  Her judgment projected negative energy towards her mother when all her mother really needed was to be better understood by those she loved.  Lisa did not yet understand that by removing her opinion of the situation she would have actually been helping her mother deal with her own loneliness.  Who is not a little less lonely simply by being a little better understood by one in proximity? 

All this said, I am not saying that negative things do not happen because of loneliness.  It most certainly happens, and it happens a lot.  A great many people harm themselves tremendously because of their own perceived loneliness.  The idea is to see this phenomenon for what it is free of our own emotional content.  Having an opinion is easy.  Anyone can do that without putting forth any effort whatsoever.  Looking deeply enough into things to see them for what they are, free of one’s own emotional content, is another matter entirely.