The Attack on the Thinker

This one is pure gold Brother. If we can wrap our mind around this one we are in fact free. This is Crazy Wisdom though, because freedom does not bring comfort. The solution to the problem of life does not in any way make life easier. Seeking an easy life is hopeless. Freedom is a burden. Only a momma’s boy wishes to be free of burden. 

I’ve stated that a man’s true power is derived from his feelings. Well, this happens to be true for females as well, except that a females true power is derived from her learning discernment; that is to say, incorporating her masculine. Males get all weird about this most of the time, because a male naturally, innately, hates weakness. This is all a play on words. Females have been coddled into weakness, and so now, as things are, femininity is seen mostly as being weak. Most of them can’t even do push ups, or pull ups, or really anything physical like that. These physical feats are actually a result of mental strength. This is a metaphor. We, of course, know of females who can do these things. It’s a generalization of a way of thinking that a lot of people employ. Females are not weak, they have been made weak by cultural indoctrination. 

I learned how to better say this reading the book, The Way of Men by Jack Donovan. Interesting book because it’s written by a gay man. It’s funny shit watching a homophobe find this out after resonating with something Donovan says. He very clearly distinguishs this issue about being gay, in that men do not really have a problem with other men being gay, they have a problem with other males displaying weakness. Males do not like other males causing us all to look weak. This rubs a man wrong being perceived as weak. We are monkeys! This is complicated right? Because females shouldn’t be weak either, but it’s become acceptable, and so a gay man who identifies with being more female than not thinks it’s okay to be weak. It’s not. Many gay males do exactly what most females do. They almost purposefully make themselves weak by avoiding difficult things. A lot of males do this who are not gay. Soft as warm butter. Because most monkeys are rather stupid they lump everyone into a category just like racists do. I know a bunch of gay men who are not even close to soft. I’ll never forget this gay guy I worked with back when I first got out of prison. He hated drag queens, and such, and would literally beat them up. This was in Kansas City, and at the time there was a fairly prominent gay scene. I remember guys pulling up to me as I crossed the street, cutting me off in the crosswalk, asking if I wanted to go for a ride. That shit was incredulous to me because I wouldn’t even get in a car with a female like that. This guy I worked with hated, flamers I think he called them then, because of how he himself was treated as a gay male because of them. He hated them because they made him look weak. His being gay too was getting him thrown in with them. I think he must have really got it bad for this. At the time though I was only twenty two years old though, and couldn’t wrap my mind around it all. I think this insight from a gay man is most useful. We’d not have a problem with gay acceptance like we do, but that they are in fact making us all look weak with their way of accepting weakness in character. We don’t accept it in straight men, but it suddenly becomes acceptable if one is gay. Weird because that just isn’t manly at all accepting weaknesses as virtue. I’m not claiming to have a lock on this concept. I am merely pointing out how weakness has become so acceptable as if that is a good thing. It resonates with me as a man that weakness just isn’t a good thing at all. If a fella wants to be weak, that is fine, but he best not chime in like he’s a man. Boys are weak. Men are not weak. It has nothing to do with being gay.

Look at this Brother, look how we’ve been turned against ourselves. If our real power is derived from our feelings, how is that weak? But we know, if we go up to most any male and start trying to get him in his feelings he will balk, and run away. I call that weak. A female will do the same thing, when told she must learn how to think, and learn to discern. She’ll run like the wind the first time it hurts. Learning to discern is nothing but pain and suffering. She will almost always turn and run the other way, just like a male presented with the idea that he must face his feelings. It’s difficult, and painful, and so she runs the other way. We’ve already talked about this phenomenon of feelings and emotions, and the difficulty a female will have in discerning the difference. Being in touch with feelings isn’t actually feminine. We only think of it this way because most females have their feelings. It’s just an association. If males were raised to be in touch with their feelings we wouldn’t think this is a female thing. The only way to actually know what it feels like to be female is to be born with ovaries. All else is thinking, which is only emotions. No male born with testicles knows what this feels like. 

When I walk into the jujitsu gym that I train at, not a single person in there is thinking to themselves man, what a weak guy this dude is walking in here. Not one of them is thinking that, ever, and I have in fact closed my gap, and have access to my feelings. What really happens when a male gets in touch with his feelings is that he becomes wild. Feelings are not subject to thoughts and as such they seem absolutely wild to the guy who keeps a lock on his feelings. A human with his feelings is wild. Feelings cannot be domesticated. The human spirit is as wild as it has ever been. We can see here why the pleb farmers want everyone abused. Abuse separates a monkey from his feelings. It has not made me weak in any way whatsoever having my feelings. The exact opposite is true.  The same could be said about my job working in a diesel mechanic shop. Not a single one of those guys in there is ever thinking to himself, that I am weak because I have my feelings. Those manly dudes respect me the same as any others do. It actually makes me quite intimidating to them because they can sense that I have a power that they do not have; access to my feelings. It puts me more in touch with everything around me, including them, which most everyone finds quite disconcerting. The same phenomenon is true for females. No female in the world who has learned discernment is being mistaken for not being a female. I know a female or two with some discernment and no one thinks they are manly. None of this inner work changes who we actually are. It simply makes us whole. A female in touch with her discernment is a real force of nature. 

Now, of course, a fella who has never had his feelings, and starts having them is going to have some straight up weak moments. Crying, confusion, fear, terror, heartbreak, oh my god the heartbreak, and probably just some straight up petulant shit. Happens. A day of this, a week, a month, even a year of it, doesn’t render us a weak male for life. What is true today will not be true tomorrow. A female will have the same problem. Lacking discernment, the first time she has to think differently, and it contradicts what she ignorantly thought, she will have to suffer all these same negative emotions she’s been attached to. Same shit a male will have to face. 

I love the jujitsu metaphor. We all must start as a white belt. We all have to start where we are, and if we don’t know anything about jujitsu then we do in fact start off weak as fuck. White belts get smashed on for at least a year or more. So here we can see this ego, we all have, keeping us from achieving. Avoiding seeming to be weak. No one's ego ever wants to appear weak, even to itself. It’s a real pickle for the beginner, because if we avoid learning jujitsu because in the beginning we are in fact weak, compared at least, to the guy with the black belt, then we will never ever be a black belt ourselves. You tell me Brother? Which is actually a weakness? Avoiding it, or taking it up? Fucking obvious. 

Speaking from my own experience, getting in touch with the feminine was fucking terrifying. It feels, wait it actually is, a total loss of control. Not even females can control the feminine. The feminine is unconscious; no one can control that! The feminine will straight up ruin a guy's life. An over identification with the feminine, a mother’s complex, will most definitely ruin a guys life. It will even do this to a female. If we inspect any female we know, who lacks discernment we will easily see the feminine is ruining her life too. Think of all the females, whose maternal instincts kicked in, then just goes and trips on the first dick that comes her way. Then a couple years later is crying about how terrible her baby daddy is. I’m over here like, bitch, you didn’t even do your homework at all. These females don’t apply even an ounce of discernment, and so their lives, and the lives of their children are not great; Look around! No wonder we don’t have any men in this culture! These females are just throwing everyone under the bus. Most females can’t even pick a proper male for their children. They just unconsciously get knocked up when the maternal instincts kick in. In the talk of toxic masculinity, these females who lack discernment are just as toxic, if not more so than any of these males they are abusing with their ignorance. It’s mostly socially acceptable for them to be that way. Males make statements such as; females can’t be figured out, that’s just how females are, etc. That’s all horseshit! The feminine is even a mystery to females! Females can most definitely be figured out; it’s the feminine that cannot be fathomed. They are not one in the same. Females are monkeys just like males. This is a cultural phenomenon; that females are not incorporating their masculine any more than males are incorporating their feminine. This is only a way of using words to see a thing a little more clearly. None of this can actually be separated. 

I think it’s rather insulting to even attempt to insinuate that a female can’t learn to think; that a female cannot learn discernment. They most certainly can. For every female a fella can find that is too stupid to learn discernment, I can show you a male with the same problem. Stupid does not discriminate. Both genders have it equally. It’s just as insulting to insinuate a male can’t ever have his feelings. The issue is the cultural way of thinking that is given to us all. Males are raised to not have feelings, and females are raised to not have discernment. So as adults, by means of projection, we are always seeking it in the other. A female with no discernment will be attracted to a male who has some of it, at least more than her. She has it within her to have discernment, and so is attracted to it in a male. A male without access to his feelings is going to be attracted to a female who does have it. He sees in her, what he has himself, in his chest. This is mostly why we fall in love with each other; we see in the other, unconsciously, what we already have, but cannot see! I never insult a female by thinking she can’t discern. I insult her for not being able to discern. I never criticize a male for not having access to his feelings. I criticize him for not doing the necessary work to gain this ability. 

I’m writing this to males though, and we males must not only learn to think, but we must also incorporate our feelings which have absolutely nothing to do with thoughts. It seems to me most females in this culture don't have the same problem as males in regard to feeling their feelings. They lack discernment, so most of them cannot distinguish their feelings from emotions. We males are trained to not have feelings. I was literally beat for crying. This is why we use these words, a male getting in touch with his feelings, amounts to getting in touch with his feminine. It’s not actually feminine. It just seems so because of how we are taught to think in this culture. Females seem to have it naturally, and it isn’t exactly stamped out of them. Males are born with it just as naturally as females. So in reality this dichotomy doesn’t even really exist; it just appears to exist because of how thinking works. We are reduced to thinking about it. We are forced to use the least of our abilities to figure this out because we were all abused and don’t have access to our feelings. The females main problem is discerning feelings from emotions, and if she doesn’t know how to think, she can never do this either actually. Most females I’ve known do not actually know how they feel because they so thoroughly confuse the two. But here again, a male will have this same issue, so really, at the end of the day we all have the same exact problem. We do not know ourselves. We are divided, externally, in the same exact way that we are divided internally. The outer is a reflection of the inner. We are all monkeys.

Said simply; all monkeys have feelings and thoughts. We are all so genetically similar that this feelings and thoughts thing is not about gender at all. It’s about culture, and dogshit software. Stupid ways of thinking giving to us before we are even old enough to question it. All humans have this issue of learning to think, and learning to feel. What makes us different, males and females, is not thinking and feeling, or even how we do it. In this we are far more similar than different. Feelings are universal. The only thing that creates a difference in feelings is the experiences we have. For instance, a male will never have the bodily experience of giving birth in the same way as happens for a female, so he can never have those feelings she has. Females are a bit more in touch with nature than a male in that way. Females lack feelings about having male sexual organs too, and so they won’t ever know about that. Giving a female a penis surgically, just is never going to give the experience of being born with a penis. Feelings are direct knowing of the body. My point here, about feelings and thoughts though, is that all monkeys have them. All we could say is that females have some extra feelings because they actually grow another monkey inside of them, and males get some experiences these females who do have babies don’t because they are facing different sufferings and pain in exchange for that. Monkeys without babies though are in a quite similar predicament in life. 

In my efforts to get in touch with my feelings, and because I had that god forsaken mother’s complex I almost exclusively only dealt with females most of my life. I’ve already talked about this. My way of thinking was that I would be whole if I simply could get a female to understand me. Fact of life Brother, no female can ever understand male psychology, and vice versa. They can think about it, but they can’t know it. That would be like my saying I know what it is like to have a moon cycle, or to give birth. We talked about this difference between thinking a thing and knowing a thing. That is where the real difference in the gender exists; it’s purely anatomical. All this gender identification crap going on in our culture is straight up horseshit. Thinking a thing; does not make it so. There is not now, or ever has been a male born with testicles that could even begin to know what it feels like to be a female. His feeling feminine, or him saying he feels like a female on the inside doesn’t make him an actual female anymore than thinking would. These aren’t even feelings these monkeys are talking about; they are emotions. This over identification with thinking/emotions is crazy. Nearly everyone is living lies. I have lived many lies, such as thinking getting a female to understand me would make me whole. Because of this lie, my inner circle was almost always exclusively females. I would do almost anything to get a female to love me. It was actually receiving my mothers love that would have made me whole, but that ship has sailed. There’s no getting that back once the rock has been thrown. The truth here is that once the mother fails, only another male can do this, and generally it ends up being a male having to do it for himself, because there are not really any Men. In other words, if no other male comes along to do this for us, we must do it for ourselves, or it’s never going to happen. So we can see really, I was just projecting. I could see in females this thing that I myself had, but wasn’t aware of it. I’ve never known an older male in touch with his feelings, so there was never one for me to project this onto. It was left to me to do for myself. All this business of only socializing with females did was allow me to actually understand females.

Generally I’d have a single male friend, if I was lucky. A real deal Puer will almost always make lesser degrees of such extremely insecure, because females love a Puer. No male, so long as I had that mother complex ever wanted me around their female. They, if not consciously, could always unconsciously tell, I was seducing their female trying to get that love I never got. I’m not special in this. If anything we could just say I was just really good at seducing everyone. 

Well, one of these females, I’ll call her Tara, had it bad herself. I met her after I had resolved my mother’s complex. Having resolved this issue in myself, I never deal with mothering type females anymore. They always think they know how a male should be, and I say they can shove that up their ignorant ass. It goes very badly for any female that thinks she knows how I should be as a man. Males don’t even get to do this. If she’s done any homework about this issue at all she’ll know she couldn’t possibly know what is best for me as a man. I’ll immediately smash her self importance so hard she’ll go away forever. Tara doesn’t have children though, and she isn’t the mothering type. She’s a Puer like any of these males that come into my life. I’ll help such a female out in life. There’s no help for the mothering type until they’ve failed so badly they’ve got no choice but to admit their own stupidity; this is incredibly rare. Tara had managed to make herself so completely weak by her way of thinking that she was about to be in the male situation of a true Puer; homeless, jobless, friendless, familyless, and with no recourse. A mother with children rarely gets to this state because, god, the Self, her unconscious prevents this for the sake of her children. She is literally surviving by way of her children. Real deal narcissistic bitches these females are. We could say their own children’s god within prevents them from failing so horribly that she has no recourse because they themselves do not want, or deserve to be in such a situation. These children always, of course, end up with the same wounded bullshit. On and on, round and round we go. These are the females who are creating momma’s boys. They can’t suffer and face pain in the discerning way. 

I know a female or two who does this to her sons. It is more important for them to be liked by their sons than it is to put them to suffering and pain. No male wants this to be true about his life, and a mother who isn’t willing to do this for her sons, is just crippling them. She’s putting herself first, but she will tell you she wants what’s best for her sons. She lies to sleep at night. These females lie straight to their son’s faces. The issue is that our individual unconscious always knows the truth, so we all know deep down, such a mother never actually loved us. Think about it, such a female can go anywhere in this culture and get the validation she needs that she is in fact a good mother. I’ve actually studied though; she’s just bringing more momma’s boys into the world. Whether on purpose or not matters not, such females purposefully keep their sons weak so that they must depend on her. Highly unlikely they will ever become Great Men, if they even ever manage to just become men. These females are ruining us all pumping out these momma’s boys just so they can feel good about themselves. It’s almost impossible to find one who isn’t doing this. Egomaniacs to the last bitch, lacking discernment to a fault. These females aren’t doing the inner work any more than these males are. Shitshow is raging. No one lets a mother who is taking care of her children in such a way end up homeless, friendless, jobless, etc, and that is exactly what they need to learn their lesson; they need to lose it all, even the love of their sons. No one is fixing this, or even knows to fix it. We are all fucked in this.

Lucky us Brother; no one can work themselves into a corner quite like a Puer can. Taking something, anything to its extreme brings about the opposite. Real deal victim mentality, followed all the way to its end, will bring about the opposite. That’s why I say, the only way it can be fixed is for them to just completely lose it all. A female with no children can accomplish this just like a male can. Because of the trauma of her life Tara was afraid of everything, and so she avoided life. We can see in her, that everything is the same for her as a male, about having this mother complex. She never had any children, and so like a male, she’s had a mother’s complex. She has to make the Hero’s Journey the same as a male must. Joseph Campbell does a really great job of explaining this myth in his book the Hero With a Thousand Faces. It’s nothing more than the journey of life explained in a mythological syntax, and as Campbell clearly stated, “The mythology is in biology.” No one who doesn’t have children is free of this journey of life. When a female does not have children she is in for life just like a male.  She is not allowed to stay up under her mother, and it not ruin her life the same as it does a males.

She had all the classic shadow projections of a Puer. She was always having emotional reactions about the people around her. Avoiding life is the same thing as avoiding to see ourselves. Lucky for us right? I’ve studied most thoroughly who I am, which gave me the ability to see her clearly. Standing on the outside I could easily see that she was these people. She, like any Puer, had it worked out in her head that she was special, which means to her she couldn’t possibly be these other idiots running around, and so Tara projected her weakness onto those around her. Don’t you know? Special people don’t have weaknesses! What horseshit! Man there’s fucking horseshit everywhere. This idea of being special just further validated her idea about avoiding life. Special people don’t think they have to do what everyone else has to do in life. That’s what the specialness of a Puer is about; not having to do all this mundane shit everyone has to do. Real deal Puer Aeternus this one. As soon as she would walk out the door there’s all these weak people everywhere! She’d just turn around and go back into her cave. The real truth though, which is so obvious, is that she was in fact one of these people too. One of my favorite things to say to such people is this; bitches with their third eye open are a dime a dozen. They are everywhere. It’s totally natural, even without trauma, for a female to have an opened third eye. They almost all have an inner world of visions, and feelings. Tara though, thought this made her special. She could see things. She had a link to her psyche, and so she thought she was special. Nothing special about it. Almost all traumatized people have this, both the inner world, and the feelings of specialness. This business of separating feelings from emotions is a real chore. It’s hard work, because this feeling of being special is really just an emotion. It’s completely based on worldview, which is thought. 

It was no coincidence this person found herself in my proximity. God had been saving her all her life, but she was running out of rope. That’s when I show up. For whatever reason god sends me in when there just isn’t much rope left. God knows I’ll give it my all.  If she was going to refuse to incorporate some masculinity the feminine was going to flush it all away. Last chance. Golden spoon laid in her path. 

One of my favorite thought exercises is this; Think back to yourself ten years ago. Tara was something like thirty six I think. So I say, think back to when you were twenty six, did you know what you were doing? Did you think about life correctly? The inevitable answer is always no. Everyone I’ve ever said this too says no. Then I say, now think about your forty six year old self, looking back on who you are now, what do you think that ten year older self is going to say about what you are now? This is a proof that, no matter who we are, here now, we are just as dumb as ever. We do not know what we are doing. Humility straight to the face. There’s another layer to this though, an even more important realization. I ask, was the twenty six year old not still Tara? The thirty six year old Tara that I knew, was she not Tara? And this future forty six year old imagined version, will she not still be Tara? Read this real slow like; real fucking gem this: A change in our way of thinking does not change who we are! We probably couldn’t add up all the high end spiritual jargon that resolves around this fact. No matter what age, still us! I’m the same dumb monkey now as I’ve ever been. Tara is no different. No one is special. Special needs maybe, but not special.

The living mystic Sadhguru explained this perfectly in a video I watched once upon a time. I used this tactic on Tara. I said to her, while she’s holding her phone, wishing I wasn’t giving her the biz. I ask, are you that phone? She replies she is not, of course, but then I asked, but if you did think you were that phone what would we say about you? She said she'd be considered crazy. I looked her in the eyes, and said, it’s the same with your thoughts; you have them, you are not them! I said, Yet, you are sitting there thinking you are your thoughts! So you are, in fact, crazy. I drive this home. I said Tara, look at yourself! You are still Tara! Even though you don’t think the same as you did even a year ago. Brother look in the mirror at yourself in Tara; is this not you too Brother? She thinks she is her thinking just like you do. Like you Brother, she has been holding on to certain ways of thinking all her life. Tara thought that is who she is; that’s fucking crazy! This is not who she is; she could change this habitual way of thinking at any time and no matter what that change in thought may be; still Tara! Tara couldn’t change Tara if she wanted to; it’s not up to her who she is; it is up to her to find out who she is! Goddamn brother what a diamond I just gave you. Brother it is our ego that feels like death in these situations, it is never actually the real us who is dying. Ego death feels like death. It is a living suicidal feeling, but again, that is really just emotion! No one dies when they change their way of thinking. No one alive knows what death even feels like! FOOLS! Virtually no one knows how to fucking think!

This identification with a way of thinking is crazy! It literally makes a person crazy! That’s not a metaphor. That’s literal. Such people are in fact crazy, but look how they will pretend so thoroughly that they are not. It’s the easiest thing in the world for me to put such people to their crazy. I have many ways of thinking. They are tools I use. They are tactics I have. In this situation I think this way. In this other situation I think this other way. I change my thinking according to the situation at hand. If I am given new information, I will change my way of thinking on the spot. This is a skill I have; it is not who I am. This is why anyone who thinks they are that thinking voice in their head has a real problem with me. And true to form, they project that; instead of acknowledging they’re crazy, they will call me the crazy one. I’m crazy to them because I know I am not my thinking. We could also call this scapegoating. They must scapegoat me, or else they have to face the fact; their life is a lie. Never that! That will feel like death. Anything but that! In order to avoid this painful fact, they will simply attack and discredit me in any way possible they can think of. I call this ego rallying. I come along, and smash that false sense of self, and instead of feeling the feelings of this one will rally their ego, and attack me. To avoid the low, the dark, they will inflate and force their awareness to only what they think is good, the light about themselves. Of course, I am ahead of all of this. I’ve done the inner work. I smashed my own ego, or at least accepted it when life did it to me. I know before I even say a word that this is how it’s going to go. I’ve got a plethora of tactics to deal with this, and so poor Tara just didn’t ever have a chance. I didn’t pick her; her unconscious picked me. God did. Her Higher Self did. Don’t care what one calls it. See the thing.

One of the main people that Tara would project on was this guy she had to work with whom we named Stinky. This guy was big and fat, lazy, and he also smelled bad. This poor bastard was the epitome of unmanly. So Tara was just always being emotionally triggered by this guy. It builds up one day, and Tara finds herself once again at a loss. I point out to her that she is Stinky. Her masculine is undeveloped to the same degree that Stinky’s is. Stinky is a male that has not in any way developed his own masculinity, and so here Tara is just constantly triggered by this guy. She doesn’t want to hear any of this of course! She is identified with her way of thinking, she’s special, she can’t possibly be as pathetic as this guy, so when I attack her way of thinking she takes it personally. It’s so obvious though. She has worked herself into a corner of undeniability, at least intellectually. She lost the job, and so I get to say to her, Look at this shit, even Stinky out played you at a job! Bad news Ben in the house, I tell her, even Stinky, who you despise so much has outmanned you at a job. Wow! 

Brother if you could have seen her face turn red. How embarrassing! Thinking one is special is a real terrible place to be. The only way out of it is down. It’s never not a crash landing. I dropped the bottom out of her entire way of thinking. I just laugh and laugh. She laughed too, but only so she wouldn’t cry. She was now faced with just a brutal fact of her life. Her masculinity was so underdeveloped that even a guy like Stinky had more personal power than she did. Personal power comes from the masculine if you don’t know. Feminine power cannot be grown, or acquired, it simply is. One just has it. Male power must be developed, accrued. 

I told her what I started out with here. For a female to truly be a woman, she must develop her masculine. No female wants to hear this. Can we blame her? Most males do not even want to hear this, because the masculine way is suffering, and pain. Being a man means embracing pain and suffering. Tara couldn’t even do push ups or squats she was so weak. I have known plenty of dudes that can’t do a pull up to save their life. Other level weak that. She would get triggered by Stinky at work, because he would complain about boxes being heavy, that were not actually heavy. Being weak herself, just like Stinky, and refusing to acknowledge it, she would project it onto Stinky when he would display weakness. In her mind, Stinky was the problem; never her. I would explain to her that if I had to go to work with such a guy it would be the easiest thing in the world to deal with. That dude would have complained one time about something being heavy that was not, and I would have made him feel so stupid and self concious that he would never let that shit come out of his mouth ever again in my presence. After one time of that, he would forever after try harder whenever I was around. He would have to do this in order to avoid feeling like the weak little bitch of male that he is. Yet, here Tara is, thinking she was special, thinking she was powerful, and yet she couldn’t even manage this absolute douche of a guy. She did not even have the personal power to deal with one of the weakest levels of males there are, all the while thinking she is powerful! She had a long way to fall. 

I would explain to her the male way. I’d tell her that when I would go to the jujitsu gym back in my fighting days I would train with a blackbelt who was ridiculously strong. I never once saw this guy weight train, and I watched him just pick up 700 lbs off the floor one day doing a deadlift. Come on man! 700 lbs! No wonder I could never hold this guy down. Never not once did I ever roll with this guy and it didn’t hurt. Never not one time that it didn’t suck. In six years of solid training I never got close to being able to hang with this guy. He could always just smash the shit out of me. I did eventually get to where I could grapple with him for forty five minutes straight though. A real accomplishment for me. Just breathing hard the entire time. Think about it. Some guy comes in the gym, starts grappling, starts breathing hard, and then says, man I’m out of shape. I’d just smile and laugh. Funny that, because I was breathing hard the whole time I was grappling too. Breathing hard doesn’t mean a guy is out of shape. Breathing hard means one is working hard. This is entirely mental. Working hard is mental, not physical. It’s entirely thinking. Sad fact is that most males have this same exact weak ass way of thinking as Tara did. Tara avoids any and all hard things, thus working her way into a state of complete weakness, which just only ever self validates. It’s obviously easier for a female to get away with this than a male, but clearly males still get away with it. Stinky would complain about things being heavy that even Tara didn’t think was heavy, but yet she couldn’t even do squats or pushups, any better than Stinky could. Being female is not in any way an excuse for not being able to carry one’s own fucking body weight! Pussy pass denied!

You see, these discussions go on for months. We talk, experiences are had, then we talk, then more experiences are had. This never just happens in any one day. People really hold on tight to their lies. In one of our many discussions I asked Tara, are squats hard? She immediately replied yes. I started doing squats right in front of her face. I say, they don’t seem to me to be hard. Matter of fact, I know children that can just do squats with no weights on their shoulders just like I just did. I’ve never met a child that couldn’t actually. If even children can do this thing, I’m thinking it is not actually hard. I said, Tara! That’s how weak you are! You think something even children can do is hard to do? Holy Shit! You’re fucking Stinky! Complaining about boxes being heavy, when they are not! Poor Tara was just really having a hard time. Her self importance was just getting fucking obliterated. 

I admitted it myself. I’ve been just like Stinky in my own life. When I checked myself into that dirty motel I was just a fat weak ass excuse of a male. My titties practically sagged. I have stretch marks on my sides and legs from being fat. I was so out of shape, and weak, I couldn’t even fucking run. I would go to the local community center and get on an elliptical. I’d set the settings, and the just stare at my fat ass in the mirror and cuss myself in my head, “You fat fuck, you’re not quitting! You’re not getting off this machine until that twenty minutes is up” Day after day, I just forced myself, staring in that mirror, until I could finally jog laps. I took that shit all the way to a marathon. I manned up on myself. I reached up between my own legs and pulled my balls down. I know what it is to be a Stinky, and I know what it is to undo that shit. It is no small thing undoing a real deal mother’s complex. 

Really though, I was only ever smashing Tara’s false sense of self, which was only ever an identification with this way of thinking that she had been carrying all her life pretty much. I was only doing for her what I had had to do for myself. Her parents, with their abuse and neglect, had literally taught her to be completely weak and reliant on others. Any time anything got hard even a little, she would just run to her mother. This makes our mothers feel important and special. They cripple us just for this reason. They never taught her much of anything other than how to maintain weakness. This forced everyone to carry her, even god. Through my never ending incessant smashing she started to see it. I only knew to do this because it is what I had had to do to myself. Getting outplayed by Stinky just really made it too obvious to ignore, but it also took someone like me to just stand in the fire with her. I tell her this. I said, Tara this is why you ended up in my life. Who else was going to say these things to you? Who else was going to be willing to just give you all this bad news? I do this out of love. That’s what it is to be a man. A man does what he must whether he likes it or not; that’s discernment.

I recently found a video while researching breathe work. The video is hosted by Elliott Hulse, and has Troy Casey in it. Troy is a manly dude, about as manly as it gets actually, and only because of age is it the case that Elliott is not far behind. The title of the video is called Breathing Techniques to Release DMT! If a fella watches the first fifty five seconds of this video, all that is being a man is clearly said by Troy. It can’t be said any simpler. Watching this video we can receive one of the best man lessons available. He says in effect, I figured it out on my own, by going to other men when I needed help. He needed help because he went through a divorce. He got the necessary advice from other men, and then just did it! A man just does it. If it hurts, then he embraces the hurt. If it sucks, he just does it anyway. A man doesn’t care what one calls it; just do what must be done. A man’s life is suffering and pain. The Puer avoids suffering and pain. The Puer wants his mommy to protect him, so save him from this. Obviously even females can be a Puer Aeternus. 

In this entire dialogue with Tara I was never actually criticizing or attacking her as a person. I love Tara the same as I love anyone. I was only ever attacking her way of thinking. I don’t really know too many people who don’t do this thing identifying with their thoughts. They always feel personally attacked. It’s rare to find someone who actually knows how to think, which means, I rarely find anyone who can distinguish emotions from feelings: One who has closed the gap, and gotten in touch with their feelings. 

For instance the word stupid. I tell people they are stupid. What I’m really saying is that their way of thinking is stupid, but even if I said it that way, they would still scapegoat me. It’s like the difference between telling someone they are stupid, versus telling them that they are being stupid. Stupid people can’t discern this difference. So I cut the chase, and just go right to stupid. What difference does it make? I know a stupid person when I see one. They love to tell me I’m abusive, or some such, when I call them stupid. That’s scapegoating. It’s not abusive to state facts. Stupid is a real fact. What is abusive is living life completely identified with a false self. You know, the guy with three kids, who hasn’t even begun to wrap his mind around his trauma, but is telling me he knows what words I should use, and how I should socialize. That’s text book stupid, and there isn’t any other way to think about it. 

Brother, almost everyone has got life ass backwards. Look at what has been said. Most men avoid their feelings because they think that makes them tough; that’s backwards. What is tough is facing and having feelings. It’s easy as fuck to just repress them, and do drugs, or some variation thereof. Feelings precede thoughts. Feelings are our actual being. They come first, and most everyone puts them last, if they even put them at all. That’s backasswards. Thinking is literally the last evolved part of our brain, the least developed, yet everyone is putting it first; that’s backwards. Everyone is almost solely relying on the least evolved phenomenon that they have, like it is the most developed; look around at our planet; this is ass backwards. The way these stupid ignorant monkeys think is destroying the planet. Thinking of it like this, we should be trusting this least evolved process the least, but instead everyone is literally confusing their thoughts, their thinking, for the real thing. A Brother ought to be able to compile all of this on top of the previous discussions; how could one possibly not see this? Got to wrap our mind around this! We must have access to our hearts. 

Don’t worry Brother, I will explain what thinking actually is, and what it is for, but it must be seen clearly; it is not who we are: it is something we have. We can change our ways of thinking at any time, and we are still whoever it is that we are. It is the confusing of emotions, a complete inability to think, with feelings, that is fucking most everyone up. If a fella thinks he is his thinking, and I criticize his way of thinking, he “feels” criticized. That’s actually just emotions. I don’t give a fuck about emotions. They too, are a skill, and must be refined. Emotions are refined the second we refine our thoughts. I’m telling you Brother it’s highly likely you don’t know how to think any better than these females do. Tough hearing that I’m sure. More than likely you learned to think more from your mother than your father. More than likely your mother used you to feel good about herself. That’s not love, and so like me you’ve been chasing that love in any female you can find. Look at all these males who are ruled by their females! 

Be a man for once, if even for a day; embrace the pain and suffering. Cry and wail if one must. That is what the child must do, whose mother will not come and save him. Cray and wail, then stand up, and just do it, whatever it happens to be. We can with our thoughts, just as easily decide that we enjoy pain and suffering, in the same way we decide that we wish to avoid it. The line has now been drawn in the sand, undeniably, are you a man or not? I made the decision long ago to embrace the pain and suffering; it made a man out of me. Men are forged.

I recently cut a brother out of my life. He had been given the golden spoon by the universe, same as Tara, his unconscious picked me, and he failed to act on it because he didn’t want to hear the word stupid. He didn’t understand that I do not respect domestication practices. He was too stupid to even investigate. Too stupid to even ask why. In the same exact week that I cut him, another brother is sitting in my kitchen, and I never once have called him stupid. He’s actually seeking. He actually wants to know how to make his life better. He’s investigating. He’s not thinking he knows, and so I never once call him stupid. He’s just ignorant. He doesn’t know, and so he’s seeking. Absolutely nothing stupid about that. We are all ignorant. Even, here now, spitting this knowledge, I am massively ignorant. I learn new shit every day. I learn shit every day that makes me “feel” stupid. Nothing wrong with being ignorant. It’s when we are ignorant and don’t ackowledge it that makes us stupid. I provide him with what he is seeking. I’ve no attachment towards what works or doesn’t work for him. I tell him, I’ve no idea what is best for him here, and now, regarding personal decisions. Should he move, or not? I’ve no idea. Should he take this job or that? No clue. All I can do is show him how to access his own inner stuffs. Teach him how the monkey mind works. All I know is that it is in his best interest to learn to be a man. He was born with tesiticles. The type of man, the way in which he becomes a man is not up to me. That is entirely up to him. I teach tactics. 

Both of these brothers are twenty eight years old. Both Aquarians even. Both horribly abused, raped, and thrown under the bus. One thinks he is his thinking, we could say this is ignorance, But he thinks he knows what is what and he has not even begun to research it, and that is pure fucking stupidity. The other one knows he doesn’t know how to think; humility. He is doing his research. You see, there’s no cure for stupid, except to be banged over the head by life. The cure for arrogance is to be dropped on one's head by life. The higher the drop the better. I cut him out. I told him that the reason, after all his years of therapy, that he still feels soulless, that the reason he still has the gap, is because he employed domestication practices at the hands of a public educated fool, instead of actually employing healing tactics. This idiot pretends he is aware of the corruption of the system, but then employs the system's tactics. That is other level fucking stupid. I tell him to go put on his leash, and brag about his collar. One brother I lift up, the other I smash. I didn’t pick this; they did. Tara got both; she got smashed, and lifted up; each according to their own. 

In the Castenada stories, at one point, Carlos is literally taken to the back yard and leashed to a tree like a dog. Carlos is repeatedly, through the whole story, told how stupid he is. I don’t make the rules Brother, I just respected life enough to actually look them up. If a fella is too stupid to see the facts right in front of his face he doesn’t deserve to be healed. God hates the weak. The brother I am lifting up is doing exactly what a man should do. The other one thinks he already knows, yet he has not even begun to do his homework. He deserves to fail, and I will help him with that as well. You have to pick Brother; it’s up to you: are you going to be a man or not?